Even the experts say TNA sucks.
Jan 5, 2007 10:35:44 GMT -5
Post by swarm on Jan 5, 2007 10:35:44 GMT -5
ripped from WO.
TNA Impact TV report
by Jeff Hamlin
TNA wrestling 1.4
By Jeff Hamlin (jhamlin@wchl1360.com)
The Big News: Kurt Angle-Samoa Joe dominated the show again, with their main event at Final Resolution officially announced as an 30-minute Ironman Match by Commissioner Jim Cornette. The two commemorated the announcement by brawling in and out of the Impact Zone for a good 10 minutes.
Joe opened the show in Cornette’s office demanding to fight Angle tonight. Cornette calmly asked Joe to leave the building. Same opening as last week, except it was Angle threatening Cornette.
Rhino defeated Robert Roode in 2:56. Roode ordered Miss Brooks to the back. Does anyone understand the point of the Roode/Brooks pairing? If she’s such a great manager that Roode turned down Bobby Heenan and Sensational Sherri for her, why send her to the back against an upper mid-carder? Rhino opened with power moves. Roode, who worked like Curt Henning, gained the advantage with an irish whip to the corner and a rolling neck snap. Rhino battled back with a clothesline, shoulder block and a spinebuster. Finish came when Brooks ran-in and tried to distract Rhino, but Rhino paid no attention to her. Roode tried to clothesline Rhino, who sidestepped him. Roode nearly collided with Brooks, and Rhino cradled him for the pin. Roode and Brooks argued again after the match. Then A.J. Styles jumped Rhino, who made his own comeback with a sloppy belly-to-belly suplex. As Rhino went for the gore, Roode ran back in and grabbed Rhino’s boot, allowing Styles to put the boots to him. It ended up with Styles giving Rhino the Styles Clash. Styles just doesn’t have the heel charisma, and comes off like someone who the crowd doesn’t want to boo.
Then came another lame Eric Young segment. He was looking for sexual advice from Jeremy Borash, but wouldn’t admit he was the one looking for it. Instead, it was “a friend.” Borash asked if Young was a virgin, and Young responded, “No, I’m not from Kansas.” Miss Brooks walked up and asked Young if he got what she asked for last week. When Young said no, Brooks said he better get it next week, or he’s fired. Young asked Borash where to get a pickle. This was straight out of a “Porky’s” movie, and considering Russo’s booking, it probably was.
Joe, who still hadn’t left the building, said he wouldn’t walk out until he got what he was looking for.
The Voodoo Kin Mafia came out wearing sombreros and ponchos. This was a dead segment. They had to pipe in the crowd cheering like crazy because no one understood what B.G. was talking about. After playing off B.G. cussing at the Turning Point PPV, B.G. said Vince McMahon hadn’t responded to the $1 million dollar shootfight challenge. For some reason, Kip James pulled out a bullhorn and wanted to talk, and B.G. wouldn’t let him. They fumbled the bullhorn around, and it looked terrible. No one was laughing, and the last night cool faces need to do is perform slapstick comedy. B.G. said Operation WWE Live Event wasn’t a complete success. No shit. It ended with B.G challenging Michael Hickenbottom to meet him in San Antonio next Wednesday at the Alamo. They promised to show the footage next Thursday. Where this leads to is anyone’s guess, but I can’t imagine it’ll be anything good.
The PCS skit wasn’t any better. This week’s event was musical chairs. Instead of playing music over a boombox, Kevin Nash just sang. First, he performed “Amazing Grace,” then “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.” When it came down to Sonjay Dutt and Austin Starr, he sang the “Adrenaline Rush” tune that ends every TNA show, and held his tune long enough so Starr could win. Pretty lame.
Gail Kim did a sit-down interview about the breakup of America’s Most Wanted. James Storm walked in and demanded that she choose to manage either Storm or Chris Harris. It’s so odd that Storm is the heel in this feud, since he would be better equipped as the beer-drinking, hell-raising face.
2. Homicide defeated Brother Runt in a Mexican Street Fight. This match was full of insane bumps, most of which were forgotten by 90% of the audience by the end of the show. Runt jumped Homicide before the bell, hit a plancha, put a chair around his head and rammed it into the post within the first 30 seconds. Homicide turned the tables by backdropping Runt on the ramp. Runt landed on his knees, which is exactly how that bump shouldn’t be taken. Homicide put a ladder around Runt’s head, and hit it was a sick chair shot. Runt barely sold it before he was back on his feet, and gave Homicide an Acid Drop. Before Runt could cover him, Konnan distracted the referee, allowing Hernandez to run in and give Runt the Border Toss onto the ladder, enabling Homicide to get the pin. That was a sick bump that should have been reserved for a PPV. On this show, it didn’t mean a hill of beans, because it was about to be overshadowed by the endless Angle-Joe brawl. Homicide went for a Gringo Killer before Team 3-D made the save. Didn’t Brother Ray want to put Runt through a table last week?
They aired a video of the Chris Sabin, Jerry Lynn, Christopher Daniels three-way. There are so many three-ways in this company, I’ve lost the point of it all.
James Mitchell had Abyss at his home, which was the same place Christian Cage did his promo from three weeks ago. It appeared to be a prison. Mitchell threatened to divulge Abyss’ secret, saying Cage and Tomko only know part of the story, while he knows the whole thing. Abyss was screaming while Mitchell tried to win the “battle for Abyss” between himself and Sting. Abyss ended up grabbing Mitchell by the throat---and they cut to the ring. At this point, I’m not even sure they have Abyss’ secret planned out. It may wind up like that video that Jackie Gayda gave Jeff Jarrett.
3. Kurt Angle defeated Christian Cage by DQ in :11. After Cage made his entrance, Jim Cornette announced Tomko would be barred from ringside during the three-way match at Final Resolution. Really, this match never got going because Joe attacked Angle during his ring entrance (didn’t we see that in the match before?) They brawled around the building, where Mike Nifong’s security crew unsuccessfully tried to break it up. Cornette came back out and ordered security to just protect the fans, and let the two men fight. There just wasn’t the right intensity with the segment, mainly because these men have already fought countless times over the last month. They went it at for, like, ten minutes, which surpasses the length of any Impact match over the last two months. It almost got boring. They wound up behind the production truck, where a table was conveniently set up. Joe slammed Angle through it. Then Don Harris, of all people, came out of the truck wearing a headset and ordered the two apart as they went to a break. When they came back from commercials, Angle was in the ring with Cornette trying to calm him down. Joe ran out again, where security followed. They do so many pull-aparts, it’s just like the three ways. After a while, it becomes meaningless. At this point, Cornette announced Joe-Angle at Final Resolution would be a 30-minute Ironman Match. Ultimately, Tomko forced the timekeeper to ring the bell to start the Cage-Angle match, which went :11 before Angle got on offense, and Tomko ran in for the DQ. They double teamed Angle before the lights went out, and Sting emerged in the ring to a mild pop. I guess Angle was a face at this point. Anyway, they cleared the ring to end the show.
SUMMARY: Tom Petty once said he loves rock n’roll the most when it becomes stale. At that point, the entire genre changes itself, and it becomes different, and exciting. This company is missing an opportunity to change itself for the better. I predict we’ll look back at this time five years from now, and think what a damaging time it was. The time slot is there. The talent is there. But who really has confidence in the booking? Where does Angle go from here? Angle vs. Jarrett? That’s a mid-card match in 2000 WWE. Where does Joe go from here? What potential challengers are emerging? It’s a shame, because when TNA first got free TV on FSN, I thought that product would have been more widely accepted that what’s on now.
TNA Impact TV report
by Jeff Hamlin
TNA wrestling 1.4
By Jeff Hamlin (jhamlin@wchl1360.com)
The Big News: Kurt Angle-Samoa Joe dominated the show again, with their main event at Final Resolution officially announced as an 30-minute Ironman Match by Commissioner Jim Cornette. The two commemorated the announcement by brawling in and out of the Impact Zone for a good 10 minutes.
Joe opened the show in Cornette’s office demanding to fight Angle tonight. Cornette calmly asked Joe to leave the building. Same opening as last week, except it was Angle threatening Cornette.
Rhino defeated Robert Roode in 2:56. Roode ordered Miss Brooks to the back. Does anyone understand the point of the Roode/Brooks pairing? If she’s such a great manager that Roode turned down Bobby Heenan and Sensational Sherri for her, why send her to the back against an upper mid-carder? Rhino opened with power moves. Roode, who worked like Curt Henning, gained the advantage with an irish whip to the corner and a rolling neck snap. Rhino battled back with a clothesline, shoulder block and a spinebuster. Finish came when Brooks ran-in and tried to distract Rhino, but Rhino paid no attention to her. Roode tried to clothesline Rhino, who sidestepped him. Roode nearly collided with Brooks, and Rhino cradled him for the pin. Roode and Brooks argued again after the match. Then A.J. Styles jumped Rhino, who made his own comeback with a sloppy belly-to-belly suplex. As Rhino went for the gore, Roode ran back in and grabbed Rhino’s boot, allowing Styles to put the boots to him. It ended up with Styles giving Rhino the Styles Clash. Styles just doesn’t have the heel charisma, and comes off like someone who the crowd doesn’t want to boo.
Then came another lame Eric Young segment. He was looking for sexual advice from Jeremy Borash, but wouldn’t admit he was the one looking for it. Instead, it was “a friend.” Borash asked if Young was a virgin, and Young responded, “No, I’m not from Kansas.” Miss Brooks walked up and asked Young if he got what she asked for last week. When Young said no, Brooks said he better get it next week, or he’s fired. Young asked Borash where to get a pickle. This was straight out of a “Porky’s” movie, and considering Russo’s booking, it probably was.
Joe, who still hadn’t left the building, said he wouldn’t walk out until he got what he was looking for.
The Voodoo Kin Mafia came out wearing sombreros and ponchos. This was a dead segment. They had to pipe in the crowd cheering like crazy because no one understood what B.G. was talking about. After playing off B.G. cussing at the Turning Point PPV, B.G. said Vince McMahon hadn’t responded to the $1 million dollar shootfight challenge. For some reason, Kip James pulled out a bullhorn and wanted to talk, and B.G. wouldn’t let him. They fumbled the bullhorn around, and it looked terrible. No one was laughing, and the last night cool faces need to do is perform slapstick comedy. B.G. said Operation WWE Live Event wasn’t a complete success. No shit. It ended with B.G challenging Michael Hickenbottom to meet him in San Antonio next Wednesday at the Alamo. They promised to show the footage next Thursday. Where this leads to is anyone’s guess, but I can’t imagine it’ll be anything good.
The PCS skit wasn’t any better. This week’s event was musical chairs. Instead of playing music over a boombox, Kevin Nash just sang. First, he performed “Amazing Grace,” then “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.” When it came down to Sonjay Dutt and Austin Starr, he sang the “Adrenaline Rush” tune that ends every TNA show, and held his tune long enough so Starr could win. Pretty lame.
Gail Kim did a sit-down interview about the breakup of America’s Most Wanted. James Storm walked in and demanded that she choose to manage either Storm or Chris Harris. It’s so odd that Storm is the heel in this feud, since he would be better equipped as the beer-drinking, hell-raising face.
2. Homicide defeated Brother Runt in a Mexican Street Fight. This match was full of insane bumps, most of which were forgotten by 90% of the audience by the end of the show. Runt jumped Homicide before the bell, hit a plancha, put a chair around his head and rammed it into the post within the first 30 seconds. Homicide turned the tables by backdropping Runt on the ramp. Runt landed on his knees, which is exactly how that bump shouldn’t be taken. Homicide put a ladder around Runt’s head, and hit it was a sick chair shot. Runt barely sold it before he was back on his feet, and gave Homicide an Acid Drop. Before Runt could cover him, Konnan distracted the referee, allowing Hernandez to run in and give Runt the Border Toss onto the ladder, enabling Homicide to get the pin. That was a sick bump that should have been reserved for a PPV. On this show, it didn’t mean a hill of beans, because it was about to be overshadowed by the endless Angle-Joe brawl. Homicide went for a Gringo Killer before Team 3-D made the save. Didn’t Brother Ray want to put Runt through a table last week?
They aired a video of the Chris Sabin, Jerry Lynn, Christopher Daniels three-way. There are so many three-ways in this company, I’ve lost the point of it all.
James Mitchell had Abyss at his home, which was the same place Christian Cage did his promo from three weeks ago. It appeared to be a prison. Mitchell threatened to divulge Abyss’ secret, saying Cage and Tomko only know part of the story, while he knows the whole thing. Abyss was screaming while Mitchell tried to win the “battle for Abyss” between himself and Sting. Abyss ended up grabbing Mitchell by the throat---and they cut to the ring. At this point, I’m not even sure they have Abyss’ secret planned out. It may wind up like that video that Jackie Gayda gave Jeff Jarrett.
3. Kurt Angle defeated Christian Cage by DQ in :11. After Cage made his entrance, Jim Cornette announced Tomko would be barred from ringside during the three-way match at Final Resolution. Really, this match never got going because Joe attacked Angle during his ring entrance (didn’t we see that in the match before?) They brawled around the building, where Mike Nifong’s security crew unsuccessfully tried to break it up. Cornette came back out and ordered security to just protect the fans, and let the two men fight. There just wasn’t the right intensity with the segment, mainly because these men have already fought countless times over the last month. They went it at for, like, ten minutes, which surpasses the length of any Impact match over the last two months. It almost got boring. They wound up behind the production truck, where a table was conveniently set up. Joe slammed Angle through it. Then Don Harris, of all people, came out of the truck wearing a headset and ordered the two apart as they went to a break. When they came back from commercials, Angle was in the ring with Cornette trying to calm him down. Joe ran out again, where security followed. They do so many pull-aparts, it’s just like the three ways. After a while, it becomes meaningless. At this point, Cornette announced Joe-Angle at Final Resolution would be a 30-minute Ironman Match. Ultimately, Tomko forced the timekeeper to ring the bell to start the Cage-Angle match, which went :11 before Angle got on offense, and Tomko ran in for the DQ. They double teamed Angle before the lights went out, and Sting emerged in the ring to a mild pop. I guess Angle was a face at this point. Anyway, they cleared the ring to end the show.
SUMMARY: Tom Petty once said he loves rock n’roll the most when it becomes stale. At that point, the entire genre changes itself, and it becomes different, and exciting. This company is missing an opportunity to change itself for the better. I predict we’ll look back at this time five years from now, and think what a damaging time it was. The time slot is there. The talent is there. But who really has confidence in the booking? Where does Angle go from here? Angle vs. Jarrett? That’s a mid-card match in 2000 WWE. Where does Joe go from here? What potential challengers are emerging? It’s a shame, because when TNA first got free TV on FSN, I thought that product would have been more widely accepted that what’s on now.
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