Vidtek's W3!

[Vidtek]

(I've been warning you, now here it is! Behold the glory that is...my W3!)
W3 Card #1: Inception! From the W3 Arena (commonly refered to as The Ar3na).
(We see a shot of Flex Manley's face as he is on his back apparently bench pressing something. There is little reaction to this untill the shot widens to show that what he is benching is his valet Mona Mammeries! At this there is a large pop from the crowd. Undercover Alien comes up to the pair.)
UA: Flex, I'd like to ask you some questions about your match tonight.
FM: Sure, just let me finish this set. Nintey-eight, nintey-nine, one-thousand. (He sets Mona down and she hands him a towel as he stands.)
UA: Now Flex, you face off against Buddy Hotpants tonight for the W3 Heavyweight Title. What are your thoughts going in to this match?
(Flex finishes whiping down with the towel and gives it to Mona as she hands him an energy drink.)
FM: My thoughts? (He pops open the can and takes a heavy swig) My thoughts are that I am totally going to pound this guy! No wait...I mean I am, like, so going to bust his a**! No, that didn't come out right either. Dang man, it's hard to cut a promo on a guy that's a homo. Hey, that rhymed! Awesome! (He joyfully guzzles down the rest of his drink, crushes the can on his head and bankshots it toward the trash. It bounces off of Mona's chest before landing in the can.) Alright baby, nice assist!
UA: (Clears his throat) Well, your opponent's preferances aside, how do you plan to counter his highly unorthodox style?
FM: Unorthodox? Isn't that, like, a religion?
UA: Umm, no. It means unconventional, different...
FM: Oh, right, cause he's gay! Oh I totally have that under control. Every time he tries one of those moves on me I'm just going to look over at my girl (pulls Mona up close to him and holds her at his side) and, like, totally remember that I like chicks, dude!
UA: Well that will hopefully be a winning strategy. Good luck, Flex. We'll see you in the main event tonight on W3 TV!
(The intro vid rolls. Following that we see Undercover Alien in the middle of the ring in his trademark western wear and black hat.)
UA: Hello tonight everyone and welcome to our first telivised W3 event! I'll be your ring announcer and commentator, Undercover Alien, and do we have a flurry of wrestling action coming at you tonight! The Tandem Titles are up for grabs as Dr. Mutato's demented duo of La Cucaracha Grande and Dung Beetle Bailey take on the tasty twosome of Chalupacabra and Shiitake Jr. Plus the Jagged Edge title is on the line in a falls count anywhere frenzy between Busta Capp and Hardcorps. Also tonight Johnny Satan takes on Abraham Lincoln X, our own underdog Pillchard faces tha big cat Frankenpuss, and in our main event the W3 Heavyweight title hangs in the ballance when Flex Manley takes on Buddy Hotpants!
But now, let's start the show with our opening bout!
The first fight of the night features Wacky Kabuki taking on Monkey Chan. Kabuki cavorts to the ring to the boos of the crowd. He climbs up the turnbuckle and inflates a large balloon in the shape of Monkey Chan's head...then pops it with an oversized needle. Monkey Chan comes to the ring holding Eep-Eep's hand. The fans are cheering, and that upsets Eep-Eep who bares his teeth at the fans at ringside. As Chan tries to get in the ring, Eep-Eep shoves him causing him to fall. But Chan kips up and the fans cheer louder. This doesn't prevent Kabuki from starting a shoving match with Chan, which Kabuki wins. The two men go back and forth, trading moves in a gracefull dance of two buffoons. But in the end it is Wacky Kabuki with his FINAL PERFORMANCE who gets the win. Eep-Eep looks extatic.
UA: Well things sure didn't go Monkey Chan's way tonight. Now let's head backstage to see what's going on.
(Backstage Buddy Hotpants is doing some rather enteresting lunges as Fifi Cheveux d'Aisselle files her nails nearbye. Phineus T. Phatback walks up to the two of them.)
PTP: Buddy!
BH: What's up, boss?
PTP: You know darn well what's up! You have to win the title tonight!
BH: You know I will. That muscle beach reject won't know what hit him.
PTP: He better not, because if he wins I will not be happy! Understand?!
(Phatback walks away before Hotpants can answer him. Fifi walks up behind him.)
FCdA: Quelle graisse, idiot gonflé.
BH: You can say that agian.
(Meanwhile, in another section of The Ar3na, Morgoloth and Mo are trying to decide on what to buy from a vending machine when Lil' Torquemada comes up and pushes past him, puts some money in and punches the buttons, taking the last Honey Bun. Mo makes a sad noise and Morgoloth grabs Torque as he tries to walk away.)
M&M: I was going to buy that for my brother.
LT: Well, I got to it first.
M&M: I said that's mine!
LT: (Takes a bite out of the Bun) Nawt annymagh.
(Torquemada walks away leaving Morgoloth seething and Mo with a frown on his face.)
Back in the ring Undercover Alien announces Koala Bruce who climbs in the ring and waves to the crowd. He then introduces Inbred Red, who comes to ringside and starts shouting at Bruce. Bruce shouts back some before turning his back on Red. Red then takes that opprotunity to try a jumping elbow drop onto Bruce, but Bruce moves and takes Red to school! He is trouncing the hillbilly until he tries a shoulder tackle off the ropes and Red moves! Red takes over and quickly applies the BIG BARH HUG, making Bruce tap out!
UA: Well score one for the bear-hatting hillbilly. Time to check on some of the other tallent on tonight's show.
(Abraham Lincoln X stands in front of a W3 banner. He adresses the camera.)
ALX: My fellow enthusiasts, I must let it be known here and now that is my intention to defeat my chosen opponent for this eavning; a man by the name of Johnny Satan. I shall do this so that it may prove to all who bear witness that evil shall not triumph over a strong mind and a diciplined body. So I ask you a single question tonight, Mr. Satan....Whatcha gonna do when the Great Emancipator runs wild on you!?!
(ALX tears his shirt off and starts a posedown as the camera cuts to another shot of Shiitake Jr and Chalupacabra in a locker room "discussing" stratagy. It doesn't look to be going anywear as neither of them speak a common language except for crude charades and pantomime. The only thing that can be plainly observed is that both men are hoping to win the match tonight.)
The Lady's title match is next and boy are the fans ready for it. Mona Mammeries is introduced first and the whole building shakes from the noise of her crowd reaction! The reaction to her challenger, Suzy Succubus, is quite a bit less enthusiastic. This angers Suzy, who storms her way into the ring looking for a fight, but Mona cuts her off as she enters and takes controll of the match. Suzy is able to regain controll early in the match and holds it most of the way throught, using her Devil Dust and a lot of choking. However, after a quick reverse of Suzy's attempted atomic drop, Mona is then able to use THANKS FOR THE MAMMERIES to shock Suzy just long enough to get a three count and become the first W3 Lady's Champion!
UA: Well not the most scientific of moves but it gets the job done here tonight. Mona Mammeries is our new Lady's Champion and congradulations to her. But we're not going to let up on the action, so let's head back to the ring for our next bout!
The pugnacious Pillchard is taking on Frankenpuss next. Or at least that was going to be the plan! After Pillchard is announced but before Frankenpuss could step in the ring Pillchard went out and started hammering away on the big green cat-thing! Frankenpuss retaliated and the two men battled back and forth out on the floor until security teams and Dr. Mutato are able to contain the two men. The match is ruled a no contest.
UA: Some bad blood in the age old saga of cats against dogs here tonight. Now I undersand we are going backstage again for more comments from tonight's tallent!
(La Cucaracha Grande and Dung Beetle Baily are standing in front of the W3 banner now.)
LCG: Tonight, my bug brother and me are gonna squish those two food losers into little lumps of left-overs!
DBB: Oh yeah, we are going to beat them down! Cause we are the biggest and best tallent in the Tandem division of W3.
LCG: And if any team out there begs to differ, we have a reminder fors yas...
DBB: We eat crap like you for breakfast!
(The two bugs leave the screen which wipes into a shot of Oog standing in front of the vending machine. He watches as a sound tech guy walks up to it, puts his cions in, pushes some buttons and gets his food. Oog then tries it himself, putting in some change {What, like cavemen are broke?} and pushing some buttons then waiting for his food. However his selection gets stuck in the turning part that despences it. Oog is not happy and tapps the glass...nothing. So then hits the glass...nothing. Finally, after a frustrated kick to the machine with no results, Oog finally goes balistic, picking up he nearby club and proceding to demolish the poor vending machine! When he is satisfied that the machine shall never defy him again, he simply reaches down, take his desired treat and leaves.)
Back in the ring the Jagged Edge title match is begining. Busta Capp is in the ring as Hardcorps slides under the ropes and the two start brawling before the ref gets the bell rung! They procede to brawl all over the Ar3na, hitting each other with anything that isn't nailed down and a few things that might have been at some point. However, it is Busta Capp who is able to hit a GAT SPLAT followed by two consecutive GHETTO GUILLOTINEs to get him the win and the Jagged Edge Title!
UA: Busta Capp throwin down and snatchin one off for his homies! Or something like that. Anyway, here come the combatants for our next match.
As Salacious Rex is making his way to the ring, giving the hungry eye to some of the ringside fans, Oog comes charging up from behind him and smashes Rex against the security railing! He then tosses Rex into the ring and goes to work. The two men trade off on offence quite a bit, but in the end it is an uncontested DINO MUNCH that seals the caveman's fate and gives the win to Salacious Rex.
UA: That Salacious Rex is tougher then old shoe leather! I hope Oog can recooperate from that bite. But now I'm being told there is some commotion in the locker room!
(Backstage security is trying to seperate Morgoloth and Mo and Lil' Torquemada! They are having ahard time of it until Phineus T. Phatback walks in on the situatuion.)
PTP: Everyone shut up! You two...or three, whatever, get down to that ring now! You guys want to fight, don't do it where the fans can't pay to see it!
(Security lets the two men go and they head down to the ring for an unschedualed showdown!)
Morgoloth and Mo and Lil' Torquemada hit the ring at the same time and don't wait for the ref to get started! H does ring the bell, but not before Morgoloth (or Mo) can clean Torquemada's clock with a hard running clothesline! Morgoloth and Mo seem to have the match well in hand until Lil' Torquemada takes the match out of the ring. Morgoloth rams Torquemada's head into the ring steps. Torquemada calls the ref over and starts demanding that Morgoloth and Mo be disqualified for illegal double teaming! And the ref buys it! He calls for the bell and awards Torquemada the win via disqualification! Morgoloth and Mo are mad, and Lil' Torquemada teases them by making fake crying motions and rubbing his belly as if having eaten a good snack.
UA: Well I never thought I would see that outcome! That has to be one of the strangest calls I have ever seen! The Tandem Title match is up next.
Chalupacabra and Shiitake Jr. are in the ring when La Cucaracha Grande and Dung Beetle Bailey Pearl Harbor them! There is nothing the food fighters can do as Bailey completely KOs Shiitake Jr. and Cucaracha is able to hit his CUCARACHA PLANCHA on Chalupacabra to get the win and the Tandem belts!
UA: The new Tandem champs make short work of their opponents here tonight. Perhapse Shiitake Jr. and Chalupacabra should look for other partners. But no time now cause our next match is about to get under way!
Abraham Lincoln X comes to the ring to rousing cheers from the crowd. He climbs in the ring, rips his shirt off and does a posedown before his opponent, Johnny Satan is introduced. Satan doesn't get a warm reaction at all, but it doesn't seem to phase him. He climbs in the ring and catches a charging ALX with a tiltawhirl backbreaker followed by his VILEDRIVER. He only gets a two count so he continues to punish the presidential duplicate. After taking a brutal beating at the hands of Johnny Satan, though, ALX somehow finds the strength to come back! He sends Satan out of the ring with a Presidential Press, then follows him out and the two men brawl outside the ring. ALX throws Satan back into the ring and quickly hits him with THE EMANCIPATION DEVASTATION to get the win!
UA: Well he had to come from behind to do it, but ALX made good on his promise to defeat Johnny Satan here tonight! BUt don't leave your seats yet fans, the main event is Next!
Buddy Hotpants and Flex Manley square off for the W3 Heavyweight title, with Phineus T. Phatback at ringside! Hotpants tries to get the upper hand with his more flamboyiant style, but Flex is either to much of a man or too thick in the head to get it! He takes the fight straight to the macho, macho man. Hotpants tries everything he can to gain an upper hand but Flex is having none of it! Manley is able to use FLEX APPEAL to get the win and the W3 Heavyweight title! Phatback is vissibly POed!
UA: HE DID IT! HE DID IT! MANLEY'S THE CHAMP! MANLEY'S THE CHAMP! AND PHINEUS T. PHATBACK IS LIVID! What a way to end our first show! Fans be sure to come back next week for even more exciting W3 action! This is Undercover Alein saying Goodnight from The Ar3na!

[Vidtek]

W3 Card #2: Live from The Ar3na!
(The following three matches where taped for the W3's online show)
Kween Squatifa Cookiepuss beat Cap'n Bootielicious with THE COOKIE DUSTER
Boston Terror looses to Amish Robot after a fallback piledriver.
Dung Beetle Bailey wins over Mar Far Jinx using the BEETLE BOMB
(The intro vid rolls and then we see Buddy Hotpants and Fifi Cheveux d'Aisselle are together talking when Phineus T. Phatback walks up to them, his face red.)
PTP: You! I thought you said you could win that match! I thought you said you could get the title and keep it out of the meathooks of that bronzed bafoon!
BH: And I will, trust me. I got caught off gaurd, that won't happen again.
PTP: It better not! Now I'm putting you and this...french pastry in a mixed tag team match tonight against Mr. Muscles and his big chested bimbo. And you better not lose!
(Phineus storms off as Buddy and Fifi watch.)
FCdA: Il doit sérieusement observer son preasure de sang.
BH: You said it, baby.
(Back out at ringside Undercover Alien welcomes the fans to the show and announces the first match of the night.)
The first match is a rematch from Inception. Pillchard takes on Frankenpuss in a Texas Death Match! Frankenpuss comes down to the ring first but Pillchard runs up from behind and nails him in the back with a running double ax! He then whips 'Puss into the security rail before tossing him into the ring. Pillchard climbs the turnbuckle to try a flying dive, but Frankenpuss catches him by the neck! The green golem stands and turns his goozle into a powerbomb and folows that with a FRANKENHAMMER! Pillchard can't get his shoulders up and Frankenpuss gets the win.
UA: Well a quick win for Dr. Mutato's man tonight. Maybe Pillchard will think again before trying a jump from the ropes. Now let's check in backstage.
(Marcus Membrane is "standing" in front of the W3 banner.)
MM: *slurp* Tonight *slosh* I am going *gurgle* to get rid *burble* of a pest *squish* from my past. *blorp* Shiitake Jr. *slpug*, you think I *plub* am responsable *glug* for your being *lupb*. *mlub* But it is you *splish* who is responsable *plop* for me! *sklosh* And now *wolp* I will show you *florp* what it is *lumb* you created!
Up next is a Tandem match between first time partners Monkey Chan and Koala Bruce and Circus Maximus (Wacky Kabuki and Tabooli). Monkey Chan does have Eep-Eep with him, which makes Bruce nervous as the chimp gives the Ausie very dirty looks whenever he tries to tag in to Chan. Meanwhile Tabooli gives the master of chimp-fu a beating from piller to post, getting the win with CIRCUS MAXIMUS.
UA: Koala Bruce was no help to his partner tonight, and I'm not sure that Eep-Eep didn't have anything to do with it. I can't see what Monkey Chan sees in that ape.
(We switch to backstage again, where Lil' Torquemada is sitting at a table reading a book when Morgoloth and Mo walk up to him.)
M&M: You little worm! I don't know what you did last week, but you are going to pay!
LT: I have no idea what you're talking about, hethan! I made sure the referee did his job correctly!
M&M: Whatever, little man. Tonight I am going to turn you into paste.
(Morgoloth and Mo walk away, leaving Lil' Torquemada blinking.)
It's Marcus Membrane against Shiitake Jr. up next. Shiitake Jr. is in the ring first, working the crowd. He doesn't notice Marcus ooze his way up from under the ring behind him and Membrane takes the advantage by attacking him from beind! The sticky villian doesn't give an inch to the mushroom man, but somehow Shiitaki is able to get back on offence. It doesn't last, as Shiitake gets caught in a sunset flip by Marcus and the slime and surprise is enough to keep Shiitake's shoulders down for the three count.
UA: Well Marcus Membrane sure made that look easy. Let's see what's going on backstage.
(Mona Mammeries is pacing in a locker room. Flex Manley walks in, a bag of food from some health food joint in his hand.)
Mona: Where have you been? We have a match tonight!
FM: I know, babe! That's why I went out and got some killer sallads! Just put my plate under my mouth and I'll eat it while I do push ups. Hey, you can, like, sit on my back for added weight! Oh right!
(Flex does set his food down and starts to eat and do push ups. Mona rolls her eyes, takes her sallad and sits on Flex's back.)
Lil' Torquemada comes to the ring for his match against Morgoloth and Mo. However, Morgoloth and Mo come out with a mic.
M&M: So you did decide to come out here, twig. Just so you know I have a little surprise for you. I've been talking with the fatman, and he agreed to do me a favor...
Morgoloth and Mo climb into the ring just as Lil' Torquemada is turning back to his corner. He clubs the inquisitor in the back of the head with the mic!
M&M: He made this a Texas Death Match!
Torquy can't get it back together after the mic to the head. Morgoloth earns his "merciless" title as he crushes Lil' Torquemada like a paper cup. After a painfull looking DOUBLE OR NOTHING, Morgoloth gets the pin. However after the bell Johnny Satan and Hardcorpse come out from teh back and the three (or four) men go on the attack! Johnny Satan sets Torquemada up for a BEALZE-BOMB while Morgoloth and Mo grab his throat and the two men deliver a huge powerbomb/chokeslam combo! They then hold him down while Hardcorpse climbs the turnbuckle and crashes down with a falling headbutt! They leave Lil' Torquemada laying in the middle of the ring.
UA: OH MY GAWD! THEY KILLED HIM! MORGOLOTH AND MO, JOHNNY SATAN AND HARDCORPSE HAVE DESTROYED LIL' TORQUEMADA! Can this night get any wilder!
(While the ring is being cleared of Lil' Torquemada's broken body, we are treated to the first add for Phineus T. Phatback's latest money making idea...GRAPLEPALOOZA! Coming soon!)
Once the paramedics have dragged Torque away the Main Event is ready to get underway! Flex Manley and Mona Mammeries are introduced first, but before they can get to the ring Buddy Hotpants jumps Flex from behind and Fifi Cheveux d'Aisselle does the same to Mona! The four combatants don't even bother to get in the ring as they brawl throught the Ar3na! The match is ruled a No Contest as other wrestlers come out from the locker rooms to break up the melee.
UA: Well ask and you shall recieve! This is a bloody brawl! Get more security out here, they are going to tear the Ar3na apart! Fan's I'm getting out of here! See you next week, I hope!
(The show ends on a shot of Buddy Hotpants and Flex Manley being held apart by a group of W3 stars.)

[Vidtek]

W3 Card #3 Live from The Ar3na!
(The following three matches where taped for W3's online show)
Amish Robot got a surprise victory over Frankenpuss using his Barn Raising Bomb.
Fifi Cheveux d'Aiselle gota win over Eager Beaver with FLEUR-DE-L'AISSELLE.
Chalupacabra wins over La Cucaracha Grande after a Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
(After the opening vid and a short recap of the last show, we get to action right away with our opening bout.)
The team of Johnny Satan and Hardcorpse (with Suzy Succubus at ringside) is already in the ring while Pillchard and Boston Terror make their way to the ring. The four men square off in the middle of the ring but nothing happens until the bell rings. The Dog Pound gets off to a slow start, unable to find their footing against their opponents. Johnny Satan keeps both canines off their game, but once he tags in Hardcorpse, the momentum shifts in favor fo the doggy duo! Pillchard is able to hit his PUGBUSTER on the undead extremeist and Boston Terror keeps Satan at bay while the ref counts the three!
UA: What a way to kick of W3 TV this week! THe Dog Pound sure showed that they can get the job done even when outclassed. But now I'm getting word that something is going on backstage!
(The shot cuts to Phineus T. Phatback's office where he is sitting at his desk. There is a knock at the door.)
PTP: Come in.
(Flex Manley walks in.)
FM: You wanted to see me, boss?
PTP: Yes I did, Flex. You see I'm not happy with what happened last week. The fans paid to see a match and instead they get a wild brawl. I can't have that on my program. So tonight I'm booking you in a match against Buddy Hotpants...inside a steel cage!
FM: A cage match between me and Hotpants? Awesome! Thank's bossman, I'll go start working out right now!
(Flex leaves and Phineus looks rather flustered that Flex wasn't upset at his match making.)
Back out in the ring Abraham Lincoln X is cutting a promo
ALX: Last week in this ring I bore witness to an event that made me shudder. The sheer voilence involved was of such a magnitude as to be unspeakable. And I want to be sure that those involved are punished for their actions. So Morgoloth and Mo, get out here so Honest Abe can kick your a**!
Morgoloth and Mo do come out and climb into the ring. They and Abe get into a shoving match, but the twin headed terror gets the upper hand and keeps it. ALX tries his best to get the upper hand again, but to no avail. In the end DOUBLE OR NOTHING gives Morgoloth and Mo the victory.
UA: Well maybe ol' Abe had good intentions, but it looks like Morgoloth and Mo where a little to much for him.
(In the back Salacious Rex is sitting and reading a National Geographic dinosaur special issue when Oog walks up to him)
O: Oog want rematch!
SR: What?
O: Oog say Oog want rematch! And Ooog want it tonight!
SR: What for? I already beat you. I am the superior life form and you are a hairy near-ape.
O: Oog not care what big head lizard man say! Oog want rematch and Oog will win!
SR: Allright, Encino Man, you're on.
O: That's what Oog thought!
(Oog walks away, letting Salacious get back to his magazine.)
Koala Bruce is in the ring waiting for his opponent, Inbred Red. Phatback schedualed this rematch as a Texas Death Match and Bruce looks like he has some fire tonight! Inbred Red comes storming to the ring, but Bruce blocks him and the two men start a wild fist fight! Bruce comes out on top and tosses Red into the ring where he tears into him some more. The unfortunate Hillbilly from Hogwallup gets his hid handed too him all over the ring and outside of it too as Bruce will not let up one bit. An AUSSIE DEATH GRIP is all Bruce needs to seal the deal against the bear hating hick.
UA: That sure is a side of Koala Bruce we don't get to see very often. He was one mad marsupial. Now let's see what's going on backstage.
(Buddy Hotpants is by himself in the craft services room when Phineus T. Phatback comse in.)
BH: Well, what happened?
PTP: The dupe actually likes the idea of a cage match! I can't stand that oaf! If you don't win tonight there will be consiquinces, Buddy!
BH: I can beat him, boss, don't worry. Just keep in mind that when I do...
PTP: Don't worry, you'll get what's coming to you...either way.
On that ominous warning we head back to ringside where Oog is in the ring when Salacious Rex waylays him from behind! He and Oog spill out onto the floor where they continue the donnybrook. Security comes out and tries everything they can to seperate the two. The match is rulled a double DQ, but it doesn't look like Oog or Salacious Rex really care.
UA: What a brawl! What a brawl! These two men can't stand each other! After that, what can our main event have in store?!
(A spot for the upcoming PPV Grapplepalooza is shown, toating it as "W3's grandest spectical of them all!")
The cage has been set up for the main event! Buddy Hotpants comes down to the ring looking very confident, even though the fans are booing him. He climbs into the ring and waits on Flex. Flex gets a much better reaction, although not nearly as big as it could be since Mona isn't with him. He hands the title belt to the ref outside the ring and climbs inside the cage. The door is locked and away we go! Buddy of course gets the early upper hand but Flex quickly turns the match back to his favor. He keeps on Buddy, not letting the "macho macho man's" tactics get to him. However, after shooting Hotpants into the turnbuckle, Flex tries for a running splash in the corner. Buddy moves and Flex hits his head square on the corner of the cage with a loud clang. Buddy quickly seases the moment and covers Flex and gets the one, two, three! The fans are upset but Buddy seems to be happy as can be!
UA: Buddy did it! Buddy did it! Maybe Flex's head isn't as thick as everyone thinks. What will this mean for the champ and the challenger?! What wil happen next week?!
(Hotpants stands over an unconcious Manley as the show goes off the air.)

[Vidtek]

W3 Card #4 Live from The Ar3na!
(The following three matches where tapped for W3's online show.)
Boston Terror was disqualified in his match against Tabooli.
Wild Thang uses her P.M.S.T.F. to get a submission win over Rhinestone Cowgirl.
Pillchard gets a win over Hardcorpse when the ghoulish grappler gets himself disqualified.
(The opening vid is followed by a recap of last week's show. We then see Buddy Hotpants walking into Phineus T. Phatback's office.)
BH: Hey, boss, what did I tell you! I knew I could beat Flex Manley last week inside that cage. And now I know I can beat him tonight for the W3 Championship title!
PTP: Not so fast Buddy. The way I saw it last week the cage beat Manley, not you. I'm not so sure you are ready to face Flex.
BH: Whoa, what's with the about face attitude? I thought we wanted to take the belt off of Manley?
PTP: Oh I do, trust me I do. It's just that your inability to really impress me in that indevor has casued me to question if you are the right man for the job. But I am a man of my word so you will get your title match tonight. But rest asured, Mr. Hotpants, should you fail to impress me again...I will find someone who does.
(Phatback waves Buddy off, and he leaves looking a little flustered. As he leaves...Salacious Rex enters and gives Buddy the scalely eyeball as they pass.)
Out in the ring the open bout is a Falls Count Anywhere match for the W3 Jagged Edge title, a title that must be defended in hardcore matches. The champ, Busta Capp is ready in the ring waiting for his challenger, and as Johnny Satan makes his way to the ring Busta slides out and the two start brawling in the isle! The two men beat the heck out of each other all over the building and by the end both men are bleeding buckets. The match ends when Johnny Satan hits his VILEDRIVER outside the training room (much to the shock of Flex Manley and Koala Bruce) and Jack Schlapp couts the three, giving the Jagged Edge title to Satan!
UA: MY GAWD WHAT A BRAWL! And that was just the first match of the night! What does the rest of the night have in store?!
(Backstage Morgoloth and Mo are arguing over weather or not to use creamer in their coffee when Abraham Lincoln X walks up to them.)
ALX: A word with you gentlemen.
M&M: What do you want?
ALX: Last week, you used your...unique condition to gain an unfair advantage in our contest. I fully intend to make good on my promise to show you the error of your ways. Therefore I have secured for myself a tag team partner to face you two-on-two.
M&M: A partner, huh? Alright, clone-boy, you're on! Meet me in the ring with your "partner" and we'll see who sees the error of what.
ALX: Indeed we shall.
(The two men part ways. The shot fades to the inside of Phatback's office where Salacious Rex is still there, sitting on Phatback's couch watching a monitor.)
PTP: How about that opening bout! I love that stuff! Just like last week when you and Oog had that huge brawl.
SR: Yeah, that was fun.
PTP: Yeah, but it did deprive the fans of a match, and you know how I hate to do that. So I booked you and Oog in another match tonight.
SR: You did what?!
PTP: Settle down, big guy. Look, once you take Oog down tonight I will see to it that you never have to face him again, OK?
SR: You better! I am so much better than that greasy Gieco reject.
PTP: I know, and after tonight you may be headed for much bigger things.
(Phatback and Rex laugh as the shot cuts back to the ring.)
Morgoloth and Mo are in the ring with referee Jack Schlapp waiting on ALX and his partner. ALX comes out from the back alone and Morgoloth and Mo laugh. Then the music for his partner hits....it's "Weird" Al's "Amish Paradise!" Amish Robot comes out and he and ALX head to the ring. Morgoloth and Mo don't look to worried (Morgoloth doesn't anyway) and ALX starts the match for his team. Morgoloth and Mo make much more freaquent...tags than their opponents, and work over ALX hard. But ALX is able to finally make the tag to Amish Robot who comes in like a barn of fire! However the fire is quickly put out by a stiff clothesline and Morgoloth and Mo are able to get win with DOUBLE OR NOTHING
UA: Morgoloth and Mo may be unstopable! Maybe they will go after the Tandem Titles?! A valiant effort by ALX adn Amish Robot.
(Another spot for Grapplepalooza is shown, marking it as "the greatest wrestling show ever presented from the greatest wrestling mind ever born.")
Millie Swimsuit is in the ring as the ref for the next bout, a rematch between Fifi Cheveux d'Aiselle and Eager Beaver. Fifi tries to start a shoving match with Beaver, but the little Indian girl is to much for the Frenchwoman. Beaver keeps up her attack, but something seems strange. She seems to look to much to the ref and holds onto moves longer than normal so Millie has to step in to break things up. All this distracting behavior by BEaver does end up getting her disqualified and Ms. Swimsuit gives the match to Ms. d'Aiselle. Fifi is a little dishevled, but none the less takes the ruling like the stuck-up priss she is. Eager Beaver looks madder at herself than anyone.
UA: Eager Beaver certainly didn't seem to be on her best game tonight. She looked rather distracted. Wounder what that was about. Anyway, let's take a look backstage and see what's developing.
(La Cucaracha Grande is sitting on a couch backstage watching a monitor when Pillchard walks up to him.)
P: Hey roach-boy, you're in my seat.
LCG: Get lost, dog breath. Go chew a milkbone.
P: Oh now you stepped in it, pal! You and that other bug still the Tandem Champs?
LCG: Yeah, what's your point?
P: My point is that my partner and I think we should be the Tandem Champs! So we are challenging you guys to a match at Grapplepalooza!
LCG: Is that so? Well I tell you what, tough guy, you beat me in a one on one match next week and you get your shot.
P: Fine, you're on! See you next week, and I'll bring the RAID^tm. (Pillchard walks away.)
LCG: And I'll bring the Kibbles and Bits!
(Meanwhile Johnny Satan is talking with Suzzy Sucubus in the medics room when Busta Capp walks up, still bandaged from his match earlier, and gets in Satan's face.)
BC: We gots a problem, yo.
JS: Apparently we do.
BC: I wants a rematch for my title.
JS: Oh you do, do you? Well seeing as I just won this title I'm not inclined to agree to that.
BC: I knew you was a punk.You shaken, know you can't throw down with a real thug.
JS: I assure you I can. I am, how do you kids say it, the original gangster.
BC: Well, step up then! Be a man! I'm callin' the devil out.
JS: Very well, but if you want this we do it on my terms, on my "turf" as it where.
BC: Whatever it takes.
JS: Fine, meet me at Grapplepalooza in Hell.....in a Cell.
(Busta looks a little taken back but nods and leaves)
Oog and referee Blind Pew are in the ring as Salacious Rex is introduced. Rex and Oog start shouting at each otehr before Rex climbs into the ring, so when Oog turns his back Rex attacks! He stays on the attack, not letting Oog have any offence. But when he decides to use the DINO MUNCH even Blind Pew has the warewithal to call for the bell and disqualify Rex. Oog is declaired the winner and Salacious Rex looks really angry!
UA: Well that didn't go the way Salacious Rex planed. Looks like his fight with Oog may not be over yet. But no time to slow down because it's time for our Main Event!
Buddy Hotpants comes to the ring to a loud chorus of boos. He waits in the ring for Flex Manley, but instead the music for W3 Owner Phineus T. Phatback plays as he comes out to the ramp.
PTP: Buddy, I just thought I would tell you now. I decided to make this match a little more interesting. Since last week was inside a cage, I thought tonight the title should be on the line...in a ladder match! Have fun.
Buddy does not seem happy, but as Flex makes his way to the ring, Buddy jumps out and attacks him on the ramp! He slams the champ's head into the gaurd rail then throws him in the ring. Buddy stays on the offence, but Flex does make a comeback and is able to climb the ladder and reach the title belt. Buddy, however, recovers and knocks the ladder over, dropping Flex and the belt. Buddy is able to recover before Flex and gain possession of the belt, winning the match and the W3 Championship!
UA: WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! Buddy Hotpants wins the title! What will this mean for next week? What will this mean for Grapplepalooza?! Tune in and find out!