The Big Time Reveiw of "Journey Into Darkness"
Sept 26, 2005 9:45:43 GMT -5
Post by Vidtek on Sept 26, 2005 9:45:43 GMT -5
Alright you small time readers, listen up. Mr. Big Time himself is going to reveiw a book for all of yall.
Title: Journey Into Darkness
Author: Michael Chiapetta (sounds like something they sell at Christmas)
Subject: The Life of Kane
That's right folks, for your masocistic reading pleasure I bring to you the reveiw of the novel based on the life of a pro wrestling gimmick! If I haven't lost you yet, thank's for staying.
I'll start where most folks start, the cover. I know we are told not to judge a book by the cover, but come on, if the cover sucks we probably won't buy the book right? So here we have the cover art...Kane's unmasked face, lighted in red against a black background. The title is in all lowercase letter and run together so it looks like "journeyintodarkness." Not the most stunning cover, but a good reflection of the subject matter. The back cover is a photo reverse of the front picture, that actually looks kind of weird.
Now before I begin the actual text reveiw let me make something clear for those of you just joining us, this IS a FICTION novel. It is in no way shape or form a biography of the man we all know plays Kane on TV. Thankfully there is NO refrence to the Issac Yankem or Fake Deisel gimmicks. This is not the story of Glen Jackobs.
It is instead the story of Glen Calloway, presented as the son of Randall and Susana Calloway and younger brother to Mark (That's right folks, real name of the Undertaker). But little Glen isn't like other boys, see he has a genetic condition that casues his body not to feel pain. So his parents, in fear for his safety, won't let him play sports or do anything rough (since he wouldn't know if he was seriously hurt, you see). Glen idolizes his older brother, who is a bigshot in the Elamentary school and a bit of a bully. Very little other backstory is given at first, other then that Susana's maiden name was Kane and her family is cursed. Still with me, it gets better.
Our story begins inside a funeral home in Marfa, Texas (Home to the famous Marfa Lights and filming location for Giant. I have been there actually, the lights are very odd, but cool) with Glen dreaming of being a big shot like his brother Mark, beating up and scaring the kids who make fun of him becasue he has two difrent eye colors (that' right folks, even that little bit of Kane trivia must be explained, and they say the WWE doesn't know continuity anymore!). However as the dream ends, Glen smells smoke. At first he thinks it is his father taking a secret puff break outside his window, but it turns out that the Funeral Parlor the family runs and lives in is on fire! Glen tries to escape, but then heads back to find his folks and brother. Needless to say a kid who can't feel pain shouldn't be in a house on fire, and poor Glen is badly burned. It is the Kane cures to die in fires, you see.
Glen does not die, but his family does. Glen is put into the Social Services network and his case worker at first is a young woman named Malissa Vick. Yup, THAT Vick. She brings her daughter Katie to meet the quiet and shy young boy who's face is badly discolored from the skin grafts and the two strike up a friendship. But then something tragic happens (I won't give it all away) and the Vicks leave the picture for a while. Glen is placed in many foster homes, and always something seems to go tragically wrong. He thinks it is the curse. But once he becomes a high school student, things begin to change. After reuniting with a returning Katie Vick, who is now very pretty and smart and liked by all the boys, and a tussel wih a football player over her affections, Glen decides to beef up. And beef up he does, the author makes him seem like a liveing tank by the time Glen tries out for football (his new foster folks aren't as strict about that). His team goes on to steamroll their way threw the season, with big ol' Glen leading the way. All the while he secretly pines for Katie, but doesn't want to get to close for fear of the curse. True to form however, they do end up together, and after a few missadventures the fatefull car ride takes place (any good WWE fan knows what I'm talking about here). Kane survives, but filled with guilt runs away. The people of Marfa assume he is dead and go on abouth their lives.
We next meet up with Glen (who has now taken to refering to himself as Kane) as an adult. A huge, hulking, homless adult. He busts some heads in a dock robery in Galviston and is given a night security job. While on duty one night, his coworker is watching WWF Raw! And low and behold, there is the Undertaker and Paul Bearer! This does not sit well with our hero, who has believed all these years that his brother was dead. Now a little clearing up on Bearer, seems his "real" name is Paul Grimm and he used to work for the Calloway's funeral parlor. He is also the main suspect in the arson investigation over the parlor fire. And Glen didn't like him one bit. But seeing his brother on TV hits the big guy hard, and he quits on the spot and goes to find Bearer. Sucessful, and wanting answers, Glen nearly throtals poor Paul. But Paul has a plan. He's been milking Mark for years, but now it seems that Mark is getting a little out of hand. Glen is bigger than Mark, and angry too. So Paul desides to tell Glen that Mark set the fire that killed his parents. This enrages the monster, who wants to imeditatly go kick his brother's ass. I really won't go much further in the text reveiw then here, becasue this is where we pick up on WWE TV all those years ago. The novel does go threw most of the Kane/Taker run, ending just before the MoD angels started.
All in all, not a bad read. Confusing at times, and I don't think my reveiw give it much justice, but there are lots of little twists and I don't want to give to much away, you sadists might want to read it for yourself. In fact, I think you should. For a fictional kayfabed novel of one of the most mindbogglingly mixed up character histories, it really is not that bad. It's no Foley is Good, but it ain't the Chyna book either. Cousre as I said before, it ain't a biography. And it's only $6.99, so it won't break your bank, and you could always sell it to a Half Price Books when you are done. Seriously, read it. I did actually kind of like it. Maybe they will do more of these. The fictional history of Mankind, or Hulk Hogan (shudder) or something. Anyway, if you get a chance to read it, it's worth about the price you pay.
And hey, just in case you're woundering, there is NO necrophilia in this book, sorry.
Big Time.
Title: Journey Into Darkness
Author: Michael Chiapetta (sounds like something they sell at Christmas)
Subject: The Life of Kane
That's right folks, for your masocistic reading pleasure I bring to you the reveiw of the novel based on the life of a pro wrestling gimmick! If I haven't lost you yet, thank's for staying.
I'll start where most folks start, the cover. I know we are told not to judge a book by the cover, but come on, if the cover sucks we probably won't buy the book right? So here we have the cover art...Kane's unmasked face, lighted in red against a black background. The title is in all lowercase letter and run together so it looks like "journeyintodarkness." Not the most stunning cover, but a good reflection of the subject matter. The back cover is a photo reverse of the front picture, that actually looks kind of weird.
Now before I begin the actual text reveiw let me make something clear for those of you just joining us, this IS a FICTION novel. It is in no way shape or form a biography of the man we all know plays Kane on TV. Thankfully there is NO refrence to the Issac Yankem or Fake Deisel gimmicks. This is not the story of Glen Jackobs.
It is instead the story of Glen Calloway, presented as the son of Randall and Susana Calloway and younger brother to Mark (That's right folks, real name of the Undertaker). But little Glen isn't like other boys, see he has a genetic condition that casues his body not to feel pain. So his parents, in fear for his safety, won't let him play sports or do anything rough (since he wouldn't know if he was seriously hurt, you see). Glen idolizes his older brother, who is a bigshot in the Elamentary school and a bit of a bully. Very little other backstory is given at first, other then that Susana's maiden name was Kane and her family is cursed. Still with me, it gets better.
Our story begins inside a funeral home in Marfa, Texas (Home to the famous Marfa Lights and filming location for Giant. I have been there actually, the lights are very odd, but cool) with Glen dreaming of being a big shot like his brother Mark, beating up and scaring the kids who make fun of him becasue he has two difrent eye colors (that' right folks, even that little bit of Kane trivia must be explained, and they say the WWE doesn't know continuity anymore!). However as the dream ends, Glen smells smoke. At first he thinks it is his father taking a secret puff break outside his window, but it turns out that the Funeral Parlor the family runs and lives in is on fire! Glen tries to escape, but then heads back to find his folks and brother. Needless to say a kid who can't feel pain shouldn't be in a house on fire, and poor Glen is badly burned. It is the Kane cures to die in fires, you see.
Glen does not die, but his family does. Glen is put into the Social Services network and his case worker at first is a young woman named Malissa Vick. Yup, THAT Vick. She brings her daughter Katie to meet the quiet and shy young boy who's face is badly discolored from the skin grafts and the two strike up a friendship. But then something tragic happens (I won't give it all away) and the Vicks leave the picture for a while. Glen is placed in many foster homes, and always something seems to go tragically wrong. He thinks it is the curse. But once he becomes a high school student, things begin to change. After reuniting with a returning Katie Vick, who is now very pretty and smart and liked by all the boys, and a tussel wih a football player over her affections, Glen decides to beef up. And beef up he does, the author makes him seem like a liveing tank by the time Glen tries out for football (his new foster folks aren't as strict about that). His team goes on to steamroll their way threw the season, with big ol' Glen leading the way. All the while he secretly pines for Katie, but doesn't want to get to close for fear of the curse. True to form however, they do end up together, and after a few missadventures the fatefull car ride takes place (any good WWE fan knows what I'm talking about here). Kane survives, but filled with guilt runs away. The people of Marfa assume he is dead and go on abouth their lives.
We next meet up with Glen (who has now taken to refering to himself as Kane) as an adult. A huge, hulking, homless adult. He busts some heads in a dock robery in Galviston and is given a night security job. While on duty one night, his coworker is watching WWF Raw! And low and behold, there is the Undertaker and Paul Bearer! This does not sit well with our hero, who has believed all these years that his brother was dead. Now a little clearing up on Bearer, seems his "real" name is Paul Grimm and he used to work for the Calloway's funeral parlor. He is also the main suspect in the arson investigation over the parlor fire. And Glen didn't like him one bit. But seeing his brother on TV hits the big guy hard, and he quits on the spot and goes to find Bearer. Sucessful, and wanting answers, Glen nearly throtals poor Paul. But Paul has a plan. He's been milking Mark for years, but now it seems that Mark is getting a little out of hand. Glen is bigger than Mark, and angry too. So Paul desides to tell Glen that Mark set the fire that killed his parents. This enrages the monster, who wants to imeditatly go kick his brother's ass. I really won't go much further in the text reveiw then here, becasue this is where we pick up on WWE TV all those years ago. The novel does go threw most of the Kane/Taker run, ending just before the MoD angels started.
All in all, not a bad read. Confusing at times, and I don't think my reveiw give it much justice, but there are lots of little twists and I don't want to give to much away, you sadists might want to read it for yourself. In fact, I think you should. For a fictional kayfabed novel of one of the most mindbogglingly mixed up character histories, it really is not that bad. It's no Foley is Good, but it ain't the Chyna book either. Cousre as I said before, it ain't a biography. And it's only $6.99, so it won't break your bank, and you could always sell it to a Half Price Books when you are done. Seriously, read it. I did actually kind of like it. Maybe they will do more of these. The fictional history of Mankind, or Hulk Hogan (shudder) or something. Anyway, if you get a chance to read it, it's worth about the price you pay.
And hey, just in case you're woundering, there is NO necrophilia in this book, sorry.
Big Time.
