Satirical take on al-Jazeera
Jul 23, 2007 21:36:32 GMT -5
Post by Trent Lawless on Jul 23, 2007 21:36:32 GMT -5
Just something funny I got to read out loud today. Very hard not to crack up as I was doing it. Anyone who's ever seen The McLaughlin Group on TV can relate even better to this.
From National Review magazine, July 30, 2007 issue:
the long view
ROB LONG
Transcript from the
al-Jazeera political talk show
The al-Irshad Group
July 25, 2007
AL-IRSHAD: “Issue One! No Go in Glasgow! A failed bombing attempt in the Scottish city of Glasgow follows hard on the heels of two such failures in the city of London. Question: Is worldwide jihad a bust? Most Exalted Imam Qu’Turush?”
QU’TURUSH: “No, no, no. Look, this is the kind of thing that’s to be expected. Not everything is going to be perfect. And I just wish the media would start reporting the good news about — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “Come on! Face the facts! The current system — ”
QU’TURUSH: “Can I finish?”
SALIS FAQTB: “ — is losing its focus on the Great Satan and the Jewish — ”
QU’TURUSH: “Let me finish. Let me finish. The media insists on reporting all of the bad news, I mean, that’s all they ever talk about — all of the bombs that don’t go off, the terror cells that get infiltrated and broken up, the uranium that doesn’t get enriched — you know, it’s no wonder we’re having a hard time in some of these terror organizations recruiting new suicide bombers with all of this bad, negative press. Notice how they never talk about Holland, which is basically ours. Or Germany. Or the huge mosque in London? It’s always the bad news.”
AL-IRSHAD: “It’s all doomsaying from the media? Response, Salil Faqtb, Islamic Revolutionary Party strategist.”
SALIS FAQTB: “That’s nonsense! Qu’Turush, you are a complacent dog! You are like the shopkeeper who sells to the Jew! You blame the media when in fact it is — ”
QU’TURUSH: “Die! Die a thousand deaths you inverted devil!”
SALIS FAQTB: “Son of a whore let me finish! I was gracious enough to let you speak, you miserable unclean pig. The truth is we are failing in worldwide jihad. Our bombs are not going off. Our uranium remains unweaponized. And to blame the media is simply to hide your head in the desert sand.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Ali Ba’Nasri, commentator on al-Jazeera’s Hardstones — thoughts?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Look, this is politics, okay? It’s not about new leadership or the media or anything like that. It’s simply a case of a few bombs that didn’t go off and — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “ — because we’re not preparing our young children. Recent statistics suggest that over 75 percent of our children do not expect to blow themselves up in their lifetimes. What a terrible indictment of our madrassah system.”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “And what’s your solution? Higher taxes?”
QU’TURUSH: “You are both sodomites.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Exit question! Is jihad over? Qu’Turush?”
QU’TURUSH: “No, but the media wants it to be.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Ali Ba’Nasri?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “It’s taking a breather.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Salil Faqtb?”
SALIS FAQTB: “Yes. We have killed it with our multicultural, ‘anything goes’ attitude.”
AL-IRSHAD: “You are all mincing homosexual Jewish libertines! The correct answer is, No! Jihad remains effective. Issue Two! Pillory Hillary? Hillary Clinton, the whore senator wife of the disgraced unbelieving former president, is currently surging in the polls for the upcoming presidential election. Is her probable ascension to that post a net positive or a net negative to worldwide jihad? Salil?”
SALIS FAQTB: “Positive. When Allah sees the decadent Western pseudo-power being led by a brazen woman, showing off her hair and bare arms like a promiscuous prostitute, He will crush the indolent, feminized nation of Satan with a thousand million fiery thunderbolts.”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “You’re nuts.”
SALIS FAQTB: “How dare you! Prepare to be set on fire!”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Get off me, perv! What is that, a Bic lighter? Stop it!”
AL-IRSHAD: “Gentlemen! Please!”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Can we get real, for just a second? I know that Salil’s far-right cabal loves to predict Allah’s wrath — which is blasphemy, by the way, just for the record — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “Die, pig!”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “ — but the truth here is that Hillary Clinton is probably a net negative. She’ll be unable to pull out of Iraq because she’s a Democrat, and can’t be seen as soft on terrorism, and — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “How do you know so much about their system, devil?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “I read the New York Times.”
SALIS FAQTB: “You prefer to get your information from Satan himself?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Honestly, it’s a lot more sympathetic than you’d think.”
QU’TURUSH: “He’s right. That’s where I go when I want to hear about some of the good, positive things that are happening in jihad.”
AL-IRSHAD: “The correct answer is, President Hillary Clinton would be a net positive to the cause of jihad. At the sight of an uncovered female president, American men would be plunged into an insane sexual frenzy and distracted from their highly effective airport vigilance! Bye bye!”
Have a nice day! ;D
From National Review magazine, July 30, 2007 issue:
the long view
ROB LONG
Transcript from the
al-Jazeera political talk show
The al-Irshad Group
July 25, 2007
AL-IRSHAD: “Issue One! No Go in Glasgow! A failed bombing attempt in the Scottish city of Glasgow follows hard on the heels of two such failures in the city of London. Question: Is worldwide jihad a bust? Most Exalted Imam Qu’Turush?”
QU’TURUSH: “No, no, no. Look, this is the kind of thing that’s to be expected. Not everything is going to be perfect. And I just wish the media would start reporting the good news about — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “Come on! Face the facts! The current system — ”
QU’TURUSH: “Can I finish?”
SALIS FAQTB: “ — is losing its focus on the Great Satan and the Jewish — ”
QU’TURUSH: “Let me finish. Let me finish. The media insists on reporting all of the bad news, I mean, that’s all they ever talk about — all of the bombs that don’t go off, the terror cells that get infiltrated and broken up, the uranium that doesn’t get enriched — you know, it’s no wonder we’re having a hard time in some of these terror organizations recruiting new suicide bombers with all of this bad, negative press. Notice how they never talk about Holland, which is basically ours. Or Germany. Or the huge mosque in London? It’s always the bad news.”
AL-IRSHAD: “It’s all doomsaying from the media? Response, Salil Faqtb, Islamic Revolutionary Party strategist.”
SALIS FAQTB: “That’s nonsense! Qu’Turush, you are a complacent dog! You are like the shopkeeper who sells to the Jew! You blame the media when in fact it is — ”
QU’TURUSH: “Die! Die a thousand deaths you inverted devil!”
SALIS FAQTB: “Son of a whore let me finish! I was gracious enough to let you speak, you miserable unclean pig. The truth is we are failing in worldwide jihad. Our bombs are not going off. Our uranium remains unweaponized. And to blame the media is simply to hide your head in the desert sand.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Ali Ba’Nasri, commentator on al-Jazeera’s Hardstones — thoughts?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Look, this is politics, okay? It’s not about new leadership or the media or anything like that. It’s simply a case of a few bombs that didn’t go off and — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “ — because we’re not preparing our young children. Recent statistics suggest that over 75 percent of our children do not expect to blow themselves up in their lifetimes. What a terrible indictment of our madrassah system.”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “And what’s your solution? Higher taxes?”
QU’TURUSH: “You are both sodomites.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Exit question! Is jihad over? Qu’Turush?”
QU’TURUSH: “No, but the media wants it to be.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Ali Ba’Nasri?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “It’s taking a breather.”
AL-IRSHAD: “Salil Faqtb?”
SALIS FAQTB: “Yes. We have killed it with our multicultural, ‘anything goes’ attitude.”
AL-IRSHAD: “You are all mincing homosexual Jewish libertines! The correct answer is, No! Jihad remains effective. Issue Two! Pillory Hillary? Hillary Clinton, the whore senator wife of the disgraced unbelieving former president, is currently surging in the polls for the upcoming presidential election. Is her probable ascension to that post a net positive or a net negative to worldwide jihad? Salil?”
SALIS FAQTB: “Positive. When Allah sees the decadent Western pseudo-power being led by a brazen woman, showing off her hair and bare arms like a promiscuous prostitute, He will crush the indolent, feminized nation of Satan with a thousand million fiery thunderbolts.”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “You’re nuts.”
SALIS FAQTB: “How dare you! Prepare to be set on fire!”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Get off me, perv! What is that, a Bic lighter? Stop it!”
AL-IRSHAD: “Gentlemen! Please!”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Can we get real, for just a second? I know that Salil’s far-right cabal loves to predict Allah’s wrath — which is blasphemy, by the way, just for the record — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “Die, pig!”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “ — but the truth here is that Hillary Clinton is probably a net negative. She’ll be unable to pull out of Iraq because she’s a Democrat, and can’t be seen as soft on terrorism, and — ”
SALIS FAQTB: “How do you know so much about their system, devil?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “I read the New York Times.”
SALIS FAQTB: “You prefer to get your information from Satan himself?”
ALI BA’NASRIi: “Honestly, it’s a lot more sympathetic than you’d think.”
QU’TURUSH: “He’s right. That’s where I go when I want to hear about some of the good, positive things that are happening in jihad.”
AL-IRSHAD: “The correct answer is, President Hillary Clinton would be a net positive to the cause of jihad. At the sight of an uncovered female president, American men would be plunged into an insane sexual frenzy and distracted from their highly effective airport vigilance! Bye bye!”
Have a nice day! ;D
