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Post by gwffantrav on Oct 3, 2006 15:06:35 GMT -5
since there all kinds of nonsense going on nowadays, I thought I'd throw in a thread that will help up everyone's post count, if they choose!
A Joke thread!!! Tell your best jokes here! And, like always, make sure they are "somewhat" clean.
Here's my first:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Can't figure it out?
For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.
* Get your drunk a** off the merry-go-round. *
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Post by Splattercat on Oct 3, 2006 15:21:28 GMT -5
Nice.... ;D
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Post by gwffantrav on Oct 3, 2006 16:32:12 GMT -5
How bout this one Splattercat. Since you, Ace and Chewie are the top 3 nerds on the one thread...here's a good one.
Ace, Chewie and Splattercat (SC) were leaving Galacticon and were having a few cold ones. SC was showing off driving when all of a sudden, they drive off the side of the road and all go up to the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter greets each of them.
"Each of you are going to be allowed in Heaven, even though you weren't the best, but there is one condition upon entering the Pearly Gates....you can't hurt any ducks."
The three looked at each other, thought it was kind of silly, but agreed.
The next day, the three of them go out for a game of golf. Ace is driving a golf course around when all of a sudden, they feel a "THUMP".
They get out and saw that Ace had run over a duck. St. Peter suddenly appeared. "Ace, I warned you about the ducks. So from here to eternity, you have this punishment!"
Then WHAM!, Ace is handcuffed to Rosie O'Donnell for Eternity. Well, Chewie found that pretty dang funny and starting laughing so hard, he fell over backwards.
They all heard a big SPLAT! Chewie looked down and realized he fell over and killed a duck.
St. Peter suddenly appeared. "Chewie, I warned you about the ducks. So from here to eternity, you have this punishment!"
Then WHAM!, Chewie is handcuffed to Oprah Winfrey for Eternity.
The next day, Chewie and Ace are sitting on the side of the road with their better halves, depressed at what awaits them for eternity. All of a sudden, they see Splattercat coming up the road handcuffed to Trish Freaking Stratus!
But before Chewie or Ace could say anything, Trish said, “Don’t say anything, I stepped on a duck!”
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Post by Splattercat on Oct 3, 2006 17:23:16 GMT -5
BAHAHAHA..!!! That's awesome Trav...  Heaven is going to RULE..!!! |
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Post by blueraider1 on Oct 3, 2006 17:29:39 GMT -5
lmao trav.
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Post by offspring515 on Oct 3, 2006 19:03:54 GMT -5
I wouldn't mind being handcuffed to Oprah...she's sexy in a rich sorta way.
anywho....
----------
I went into a little coffee shop for some lunch today. I ordered an egg salad sandwich. The man at the next table ordered a chicken salad sandwich. Mine came first.
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Post by theace4ever on Oct 3, 2006 19:07:14 GMT -5
Poor Trish...
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Post by Chewey on Oct 3, 2006 20:11:10 GMT -5
So here's one that was told to me by a former COTG'er, Brian Beezub (Theagenes1, Ace, you might remember him). Hopefully it does not violate the cleanness part of the thread. In honor of Travis, who put me into a joke, I'm going to make this about a Kentuckian.
So the National Poetry Society had reached the final round of it's National Poetry competition. The two finalists were a Harvard English master's student and a Kentucky redneck. The rules of the competition were that the contestants were given a word, and had thirty seconds to compose a poem with that word in it. It just so happened that the word this year was "Timbuktu."
The Harvard guy went first and composed the following:
Wandering across the desert sand
There trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination - Timbuktu.
The crowd roared with approval. There was no way, they thought, that the Kentucky redneck could top that.
So the Kentucky redneck awaited his turn, and after the crowd died down, he cleared his throat and muttered the following:
Me and Tim a-hunting went,
Found three wh***s in a pop-up tent.
They was three, and we was two--
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu!
Obviously, the Kentuckian won.
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Post by theace4ever on Oct 3, 2006 20:19:13 GMT -5
So here's one that was told to me by a former COTG'er, Brian Beezub (Theagenes1, Ace, you might remember him).Yes, I remember him from the old gwfwrestling egroup...he also joined us on the gwf_hardcore group when we all left dodge lol. Cool guy, what happened to him?. |
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Post by Chewey on Oct 3, 2006 20:19:50 GMT -5
another one that I tell my New Yorker friends...
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him a cup of poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and takes the poison in one shot..
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
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Post by Chewey on Oct 3, 2006 20:20:21 GMT -5
So here's one that was told to me by a former COTG'er, Brian Beezub (Theagenes1, Ace, you might remember him).Yes, I remember him from the old gwfwrestling egroup...he also joined us on the gwf_hardcore group when we all left dodge lol. Cool guy, what happened to him?. no idea, haven't heard from him in years myself. |
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Post by BDS on Oct 3, 2006 21:31:32 GMT -5
I blame this on the previous cannibal joke.
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?
Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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Post by Chewey on Oct 3, 2006 21:36:27 GMT -5
hehe, cannibals are funny
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Post by Chewey on Oct 3, 2006 21:36:45 GMT -5
but not as funny as dead babies!
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Post by gwffantrav on Oct 4, 2006 1:27:02 GMT -5
So here's one that was told to me by a former COTG'er, Brian Beezub (Theagenes1, Ace, you might remember him). Hopefully it does not violate the cleanness part of the thread. In honor of Travis, who put me into a joke, I'm going to make this about a Kentuckian. So the National Poetry Society had reached the final round of it's National Poetry competition. The two finalists were a Harvard English master's student and a Kentucky redneck. The rules of the competition were that the contestants were given a word, and had thirty seconds to compose a poem with that word in it. It just so happened that the word this year was "Timbuktu." The Harvard guy went first and composed the following: Wandering across the desert sand
There trekked a lonely caravan,
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination - Timbuktu.The crowd roared with approval. There was no way, they thought, that the Kentucky redneck could top that. So the Kentucky redneck awaited his turn, and after the crowd died down, he cleared his throat and muttered the following: Me and Tim a-hunting went,
Found three wh***s in a pop-up tent.
They was three, and we was two--
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu!Obviously, the Kentuckian won. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!! Who said we were just 43 in the nation in illiteracy!!! No wonder I'm going back to be a teacher!!! BTW, I just put in a few stars on the wh***s....just to be safe!!! Now let's find a Oklahoma joke! |
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Post by gwffantrav on Oct 4, 2006 1:32:22 GMT -5
And some Oklahoma, especially for Ace!!!!!!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM OKLAHOMA IF...
- You know the difference between the city of Durant and the city of Doo-rant.
- It doesn't seem odd to see the term "chicken fried chicken" on a menu.
- You have used the phrase "fixin' to" during the last 12 months.
- Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
- You save all your life for your dream vacation, and use it to go to the OU/Texas game.
- A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
- It doesn't seem peculiar if your spouse says "I'm going in to town for something" even though you live in town.
- You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, and Okemah.
- You can remember the last 12 times a state legislator seriously introduced a bill involving castration, and he didn't mean farm animals.
- You don't turn on the news until 20 minutes past the hour, because that's the only thing you care about anyway.
- You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.
- When someone refers to the current season, you have no idea if they mean spring, summer, fall, winter or football.
- "Howdy" seems to be a normal way of greeting another adult, with no irony intended.
- You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
- It bothers you not one iota to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
- A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
- You know in which state Miam-uh is and in which state Miam-ee is.
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Post by theace4ever on Oct 4, 2006 19:06:06 GMT -5
And some Oklahoma, especially for Ace!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM OKLAHOMA IF... -
- You have used the phrase "fixin' to" during the last 12 months.
- A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
- You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, and Okemah.
- When someone refers to the current season, you have no idea if they mean spring, summer, fall, winter or football.
- "Howdy" seems to be a normal way of greeting another adult, with no irony intended.
- You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
- It bothers you not one iota to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
- You know in which state Miam-uh is and in which state Miam-ee is. I have to be honest and say that I am guilty of those left listed above. It is crazy that we have an airport named after a man who died in a plane crash. I have never gotten why they call Miami "Miamuh" here when it's spelled just like that stinkhole city in Florida. |
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Post by spiderbite on Oct 4, 2006 21:22:58 GMT -5
HeHe, Some are right on. Others though most only be true in other parts of OK than where I'm from. The Will Rogers one is actually funny to me, but what's wrong with knowing how to pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, and Okemah? O well, I'm fixing to go find another thread to read.
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Post by gwffantrav on Oct 4, 2006 21:35:20 GMT -5
And some Oklahoma, especially for Ace!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM OKLAHOMA IF...- You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway. I just wanna know, is this what I think they are?!?!  |
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Post by theace4ever on Oct 4, 2006 21:47:29 GMT -5
And some Oklahoma, especially for Ace!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM OKLAHOMA IF...- You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway. I just wanna know, is this what I think they are?!?! Dude...I have no friggin idea what calf fries are...never heard of them...that must be in that hick area of Oklahoma..I live in the big city with all the civilized folk |
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